CARINA DELUCA - SPAIN, MOTHERHOOD JOURNEY
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Being sexy after motherhood.

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After giving birth I felt exausted. I didn´t really know what to wear when leaving the hospital. I felt weird in my maternity jeans but it was the only thing that fit me by that time. It was December and a pretty hard winter. My daily at home uniform was sweatpants, fuzzy socks, dirty hair in a top knot and I could´t even remember if I had brushed my teeth. I was often covered in my milk and whenever I had more than five minutes to shower, it was a miracle. I didn´t have much time to look at myself in the mirror but it was actually just fine. The least I could see my reflection in the mirror (or whoever that was), the better. I wanted to feel like myself again, to feel sexy. But the sleepless nights, a baby that was often crying and all the new challenges that come with motherhood, I wasn’t feeling sexy at all.

I didn´t know how to deal with having different roles in the same body. I remember asking myself if it was really possible to feel sexy being a mother or was that just an attainable thing for Hollywood stars? Gisele Bündchen had her second (I said second) child pretty much by the same time I had Lola. I could´t help and compare myself to her. How in the world did she look that good and I looked like a big mess with flabby tummy and dark circles bigger than my head? I felt horrible, ugly, and really embarassed with myself. I thought maybe it was just a stage that I had to go through and eventually I would start feeling sexy again.

When Lola was two months old I started to eat healthy (as I told you in the previous post). A month later my doctor said it would be ok for me to start the gym with some limitations. Three months after that I had a body that I never had in my entire life. Of course some things are never gonna be the same but I was very fit and people were really surprised when I told them I had a six month old baby that was awaiting getting breastfed. I should have been pretty proud of it and felt good about myself. I should have felt confident and sexy but I didn´t. To be honest, I still don´t. I know that I have a good body even with some stretch marks. Unfortunetly I feel so awkward in my own body and I can´t even explain to you why I get this feeling. Then I ask myself again; will I ever feel sexy?

This is something that I’ve been really struggling with and I wanted to share with you. It wasn´t easy opening up about this topic but I think we are in this community to help and support each other. I would really like to know your thoughts and experiences about it. Do you feel sexy? How have you learned to be a mother and feel sexy?

Thanks for reading,

xx Carina

Want to check out more of Carina? visit www.girlsjustwannahave.com

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Every month Carina talks about the journey of blending all parts of herself, old and new, with her newest role as mother. She is also a collaborator in our style series, THE REVAMPED MOM UNIFORM

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